Many relationships end up failing because of several reasons. There’s no one particular reason as to why a relationship dissolves. When issues are not addressed, those issues will eventually become major issues down-the-line. All too often, people will overlook issues and try to pray them away, hope them away, or wish them away. Guess what – it rarely happens. Issues and/or concerns that aren’t addressed does tremendous harm within any relationship.
Let’s face it – everyone is dealing with something. Because no one person is perfect, that means everyone has some kind of flaw. Flaws don’t mean that a person is bad; it simply means they are facing something. The question that each person has to ask himself/herself within any relationship is whether or not they can deal with or accept another person’s flaw(s)? Judging a person is never wise, but one should never lower their standards from what they will or will not accept. Sadly and shamefully, there are too many people who have settled for settling and because of that, they are miserable. Relationships should not bring misery but happiness. In a real sense, a relationship isn’t about completing an individual; it should be about complimenting them.
With so many books and shows discussing what makes a good relationship, an individual can quickly become overwhelmed with information. Often times, it’s the basic information that’s looked over. One of the most important things a person can do for themselves before they venture into a relationship is to do a personal assessment. That’s right; a personal assessment is critical to knowing what is and isn’t important and what is or isn’t acceptable. Without doing a personal assessment, one can quickly find themselves trapped in a relationship that’s not productive.
Here are some things you need to consider when doing a personal assessment:
- What are your goals? By understanding your goals (spiritually, financially, professionally, and personally), you’re in a better position to know where you want to go in life. In addition to this, goal-setting keeps you focused on your task
- Understand what you value. Simply put – how much worth do you put in something. Is it honesty, integrity, and character? Those who have strong values refuse to negotiate them at any cost. It’s important to know that your value system is yours
- Children. Can you date someone who has children from a previous relationship? If so, then you need to be ready for added responsibility. On the other hand, if you’re not comfortable dating someone with children, be honest about it. It doesn’t make you a bad person nor does it make you an irresponsible person, it makes you an honest person who has done an assessment of what’s important for you.
- Communication. How important is it for you and your partner to communicate? If you require good communication and your partner isn’t one who communicate effectively, this is a setup for disaster. Because most relationships fail because of the lack of communication, ask yourself the following questions: Do I communicate how I feel? Am I a good listener? Am I able to provide intellectually stimulating conversations? And do I need to be challenged mentally through conversations
A personal assessment of who you are requires careful thought. This is not something you should do with other people around. Self-reflection means looking within yourself to discover what’s important. Choosing to date someone shouldn’t be a waste of time, if you do a personal assessment. Knowing who you are and what you want as an individual will help you find the relationship that’s fulfilling.
Dr. Sinclair Grey III is a speaker, writer, author, life coach and radio/television talk show host (Tuesdays at 7pm). Contact him at www.sinclairgrey.org, firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter @drsinclairgrey