Contrary to popular belief, gay marriage is not just between two people of the same sex. It can also occur between two people of the opposite sex. Whatever do we mean? Naomi Christian, a conservative Christian and author of the socially provocative page turner Unmuting of the Scream, enlightens us in an exclusive All Christian News interview.
While advocates of gay marriage are reveling in the victory of the Supreme Court legalization of gay marriage nationwide, Naomi Christian “unmutes her scream” by sharing her experience of what it was like being married to a gay man. That said, she is quick to emphasize, “He says he is not gay. I want to respect how he chooses to identify himself.” She proceeds to share that he admitted to being attracted to men and, unbeknownst to her, continued to have sex with males over the course of their marriage. Interpret that how you will. Below are highlights from our interview with Naomi Christian:
ACN: Do you think that if gay marriage had been legalized years ago that you still would have found yourself married to a man like your ex-husband?
Naomi Christian: Yes. Men like my ex-husband understand that homosexuality is wrong according to the Bible and not accepted in the church. So, they marry a woman to appear to comply with our faith while still leading the homosexual lifestyle they desire to lead.
ACN: As a Christian, what do you feel is most important whether inside or outside of a relationship: love or sexual preference?
Naomi Christian: Love. Whereas love is most important, as a Christian heterosexual woman both of those matter to me. When it comes to marriage, I want the love of a man as God designed it be.
ACN: Some would say that as long as a person loves who they are pursuing in the dating process, it doesn’t matter if they are attracted to more than one sex. Do you agree with this? Do you feel that while people are dating, they are obligated to disclose their sexual preference(s)?
Naomi Christian: I do not agree with that. It absolutely matters. I certainly believe people should disclose their sexual preferences. As a heterosexual woman I don’t want to be married to someone who is constantly flipping between men and women because they are not sure of their sexuality. You have a right to know what you’re getting into, if you want to deal with that, and if you want to wait until he finds himself.
ACN: It sounds to me like he did find himself – in bisexuality. You used the words “not sure of sexuality….finding oneself.” Does that mean you believe sexuality is a choice?
Naomi Christian: People can choose to deviate from what God established – for man to be with woman.
ACN: How has your marriage experience changed your life for the better? For the worse?
Naomi Christian: When I was a child the old folks would say, “There ain’t nothing like trouble that will bring you closer to God.” Begins singing, ‘If the Lord don’t help me I can’t stand the storm.’ She begins to cry. It helped me to remember my upbringing in the church and that out of all that was wrong in my life I’m a child of God. Being a woman married to someone you can never please because you will never be the man he wants you to be is painful. And especially when you don’t even know that is the problem until it’s too late. There are other women like myself who I’ve seen just sit back and take it. Just stay with these men who cannot love them fully because a portion of their heart is somewhere else. Not because they wanted to or because it felt good but because often, women who would speak up were mocked, criticized, even blamed for their situation. This failed marriage that was never true has made me better by giving me the strength to unmute the silent scream I and many others held in for so long. To rise up and say, ‘No I deserve better.’ To free myself from the bondage of keeping secrets that weren’t even my own. And now I’m living my life for me. I’m owning me. I’m no longer defining myself by what was a blip of a marriage but as a child of God with a purpose in life beyond being the recipient of pain and hurt. And now I can help other women do the same. My marriage did nothing to change my life for the worse but only for the better.
ACN: Are you glad that now people like your ex-husband can marry freely who they desire? Why or why not?
Naomi Christian: No. Though my ex-husband lead a life on the down low, I believe as the Bible states that marriage is to be between man and woman not man and man or woman and woman.
ACN: How do you feel about the saying that there is no such thing as gay marriage, just marriage? The idea that marriage has labels.
Naomi Christian: The Bible has precedence over the Supreme Court, and the Bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman.
ACN: Your book is entitled Unmuting of the Scream. Why is that?
Naomi Christian: Because for so long I and others lived with the pain. I lived with the silence, I lived with the shame. I didn’t know it was a wrongful shame. I felt stuck. Everybody saw this person – my ex – as a Godly man, and he had the magic to make people believe what he wanted them to believe. Including that I ruined the marriage even after I stayed with him for so long. But one day I realized I wasn’t stuck. That I was just wearing a mask that I need to pull off, and now I have. It is time to honor the calling and the purpose that God has on my life, and I could not effectively do that while investing so much of my energy into a marriage that was doomed from the beginning.
Naomi Christian’s Unmuting of the Scream is available on Amazon.