It is a harsh truth, but no one is perfect. Not only are fornicators in the pews, they are in the pulpit, too. Many wonder why that is. Well, there are 1,200 psychotherapists, counselors, coaches and other helping professionals, who believe they know the answer, and these specialists comprise Your Tango.com — the leading online organization specializing in love and relationships.
The first thing their specialists say is that sex is not the number one reason for cheating. Although it ranks second, emotional discontentment is actually the number one reason for infidelity among both the ladies and the gents. Fret not, however, because there is a solution for this relationship malady according to Dr. Susan Heitler. She explains:
“While there are many factors that can lead to an extramarital sexual encounter, emotional distance is one that couples can prevent. If there’s been distress, dissension or too much distance, take a marriage ed class to learn how to stay more comfortably connected.”
In other words, it does not even have to come to cheating. If you and your spouse are feeling distant, fix it right away. Then, you will not have to even deal with the next anti-Biblical tip suggested by 57% of their specialists — “Don’t tell your spouse if you cheat.” Goodness, talk about taking the good and leaving the bad. That is the one tip from them that you should not follow. Moving along now, if you ever suspected technology to be a culprit in cheating, you are not alone. The Your Tango Expert study shows 50% of specialists agreeing that technology is indeed a catalyst in infidelity. Hence, we may conclude that spending a little less time on the computer and on the phone does the marriage good.
Speaking of cheating in the church, Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses, writing for BlackBlueDog.com, states that there are times when a person must learn to forgive the partner or spouse who has been unfaithful. She doesn’t give specific advice on how you should respond to cheating, but in citing the case of a cheating pastor, Nomalanga questioned the intervention of Iyanla Vanzant by wondering why she appeared to be nudging the woman toward divorce. According to Nomalanga, there may be reasons that you choose to stay with your husband or wife, even if they’ve been unfaithful. After all, you did make vows before God to be together till death (not infidelity) do you part.
Lastly, what happens if the cheating prevention does not play out? More specifically stated, should a spouse cheat, can he or she can be trusted again? Well according to this same study, the answer is yes. Eighty-one percent of their experts say that they do not agree with the cliché “once a cheater, always a cheater.” Just because someone cheats once, it does not necessarily mean that they will cheat again.
Ayvaunn Penn is an award-winning writer pursuing her graduate degrees in dramatic writing and acting. To peruse her poetry, prose, and services, click here. To have Ayvaunn Penn feature your original poetry on Your Black Poets, click here.