Let’s face it – there’s nothing like having a positive and productive relationship. In fact, when you’re in a relationship that’s mature, you understand what’s important and what’s not. Sadly and shamefully, there are too many people looking for a relationship in all the wrong places. In addition to that, these same people have a bad habit of listening to the wrong people give relationship advice. Here’s a hint: broke people (mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) should not be the one’s you listen to for advice. If you choose to listen to them and include them in what you’re trying to establish, all you’ll get is drama, foolishness, headache, and heartache.
It’s important to understand that having a good relationship is possible. If you can envision it, then you can receive it. However, it’s going to take some work on your part. That’s right; I said it’s going to take some work on your part because if you don’t work on you and your stuff, why expect someone else to deal with it? All too often people expect others to put up with their foolishness as an act of love and to that I say ‘stop.’ No one has to put up with anything, especially when it’s hindering and burdening to a relationship. People have the right to choose what they will and will not accept. Is that to say everyone is perfect? No. It does mean that a good relationship has to be cultivated.
Through my experience in working with people in relationships, I would like to offer you a few steps to make sure your relationship is positive and productive.
- Eliminate drama and drama friends from your circle. No one likes drama and if you find yourself with a partner who is drama-filled, you better ‘run for the border’ because it will drive you crazy. Also, you have to distance yourself from those who are drama kings and queens. Whether they’re family, friends, and/or co-workers, do your best to limit your relationship from around them. When you separate yourself from drama and nonsense, you think better, act better, live better, and do better
- Establish great communication. If you and your partner have communication problems, this will lead to more problems down the line. You need to understand that communication needs to go beneath the surface at times to include goals, dreams, and desires. In fact, great communication should cause you to discuss a wide array of topics that will lead to intellectual stimulation. Communication must be two-way which includes verbal and nonverbal. Here’s a bonus – when you and your partner are in person, put away the cellphones and look into each others eyes
- Be friends. Jumping from liking each other to loving each other without establishing any kind of friendship creates issues. Think about it for a moment. Friends enjoy spending time with one another and getting to know one another. Friends don’t want to hurt each other. In a real sense, friends only want the best for each other
- Develop a spiritual connection. By a spiritual connection, I mean more than reading the Bible or attending a place of worship. Through this spiritual connection, I’m talking about praying with and for one another. Connecting with your partner spiritually adds so much to the relationship because your connection is intimidate not merely surface-oriented
- Self-Examination. Perhaps this should have been the first step. People fail in relationships because they refuse to work on themselves. Let me say that again. Before you get involved with someone, look in the mirror and work on yourself. Successful people in successful relationships have done some soul-searching to know who they are, what they like, and where they want to go in life just to a name a few things. Serious people who want to better themselves are willing to ask themselves hard questions and proceed to do what’s necessary to better themselves
Often times you’ll hear people say that relationships are hard-work. However that doesn’t have to be so when you’re with the right person. It does require doing basic things in order to get positive benefits. Never let anyone tell you there are no good relationships in the world. Check this out - if all you see is drama, nonsense, and foolishness, change your environment. Once you change your environment, you’ll see better. And if that doesn’t help, change YOU because you are the common denominator.
Dr. Sinclair Grey III is a speaker, writer, author, and life coach. Contact him at www.sinclairgrey.org, drgrey@sinclairgrey.org or on Twitter @drsinclairgrey
